Parents, let's be honest here: if our kids understood how we make decisions, they would be way less irritating. I am referring, of course, to the Point System.
Example 1:
Your 18 year old daughter wants to stay over at a friend's house on the night of St. Patrick's Day. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years. Now as parents, you know and I know that there is no way that kid is leaving the house, but chances are there will be an argument of epic proportions. If she had her handy dandy points chart, she wouldn't even bother to ask.
Question: Are you on an emotional rollercoaster due to your recent break up?
Answer: Yes.
Result: -1 point
Question: Have you been grumpy with your mother, father and any other relatives, even distant cousins that call you on the phone?
Answer: Well, duh...
Result: -5 points
Question: Do you want to stay overnigth somewhere tonight?
Answer: Yes.
Result: 0 points
Question: Will you be staying with a friend that we don't really like?
Answer: Yes.
Result: -5 points
Question: Are you planning to go out on a holiday night traditionally celebrated with lots of alcohol?
Answer: uh..yes...but...
Result: -15 000 points
Now, as you begin to tabulate remember that you are welcome to enjoy your plans as soon as you reach one million points.
This all looks so easy that I would like to suggest the females of the species adopt it so that we guys know where we stand each and every night.
Question: Did you take the garbage out today?
Answer: YES!
Result: 1000 points
Question: Did you shower today?
Answer: YES!
Result: 1000 points
Question: Did you shave?
Answer: Well, no but...
Result: -500 points
Question: Did you watch "The Vow" with me knowing that you probably wouldn't be getting any smooches?
Answer: Yes
Question: Really?
Answer: Mostly
Result: 1000 points
Remember as you tabulate that you only need to collect 2500 points to score (ahem).
In actuality, wives do use a points system, its just not easy to figure out:
Question: Did you or did you not just leave your socks on the floor after I just told you that I cleaned the bedroom today?
Answer: I was going to pick them up...
Question: Did you get a chance to fix the washing machine before you sat down to watch the game?
Answer: I need to get a few parts...
Question: Did you talk to your son about making fun of his English teacher?
Answer: Have you SEEN his English teacher?
Question: What happened to the twenty bucks you had in your wallet this morning?
Answer: I bought you that scarf you told me you liked.
Question: You...you remembered that scarf? The red one with the pattern?
Answer: Yeah, I was in the mall picking up some beef jerky and I saw it on sale...
Question: You are the best man a woman could ever have. Come here you!!
The way it stands, we'll just have to keep guessing. And buying them stuff.