Sometimes it's painful to be a part of a family.
I'm not talking about when someone you love breaks your heart. You probably had that coming. I'm talking about how painful it is when your teenagers are fighting and you want to bury them both in the back yard but you know that your wife has just spent so much time getting it to look perfect that you would hate to ruin her day.
As they get older, my kids assure me that they need less sleep, then work their hardest to prove themselves wrong. What they are actually saying is: 'Dad, we are too old for you to tell us to go to bed. We will stay up until our eyes are drying inside their sockets then collapse in our rooms and stay until sometime past noon, making you think we have turned into vampires.'
Even this wouldn't be so bad if we only had one teenager. Unfortunately we have a pair. And when they are tired, they become extreme opposites of each other. My fourteen year old daughter is one who needs her space on a good day. When she's been up all night, she would prefer that we leave the house and come back in the fall. Plus she has the patience of a wounded badger.
My son, on the other hand, is convinced that when he is feeling exhausted he needs to make sure that nobody wonders where he is or what he is thinking.
Duncan: "Hey everybody! Gather round and hear a song I just wrote about Emma.."
Emma: "I don't want you to write a song about me."
Duncan: "it's called'The Girl Who Smelled Like Poop."
Emma: "Duncan!!!"
Duncan: "Emma, just listen to the song. I'll even get down on my knees and sing it to you."
Emma:"GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Duncan: "Emma, why would you ask me to serenade you then push me away with your foot (which, by the way, smells like poop)?"
Emma: "I SAID GET AWAY FROM ME! AND I DO NOT SMELL LIKE POOP! DAD! WHY DO YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT HIM?"
Duncan:"Emma, why do you always try to hurt my feelings? People with your smell can't afford to hurt anyone's feelings."
Emma:"I. DO. NOT. SMELL. LIKE. POOOOOP!"
My wife: "Ugh. Teenagers."
Me: "I think if we get them to stay up late for one more night, they'll take each other out and our problems will be solved!"